Friday, 4 February 2011

Alternate Raiding Guide

A slight adaptation of a tongue in cheek guide to getting a raid invite which I wrote in conjunction with a few officers a few years ago for our guild website back in Vanilla WOW

What to do if you don't get an invite straight away

Go crazy and moan in the guild channel. CAPITALS ARE YOUR FRIEND they get you noticed quicker, whilst you're at it Google 'raid target icons' and add at least three at he beginning and the end of everything you say, no one else in your guild have ever thought of this and will instantly adore you for your ingenuity.

If your name appears in the guild channel often enough no one will forget your name, so you will be placed top of the waiting list. Remember, he who moans most gets his own way. People won't mess with you either so it's well worth doing anyway. Try it you'll feel great! Ensure your bitches/moans are circular so you don't get some twat giving you a definitive answer.

Better still (pro tip) bitch in the general channel, a sure fire way to gain influence, friends and popularity.

When you spam the '1 (general) channel' they will find it difficult to read raid instructions and as a result will probably die (haha). You can then blame it on them not having your UBER skills available to kill the boss. Genius! Also, lots of other people can see this too, so your notoriety will escalate along with your guild. Wait for the flood of invites from other/better guilds.

When you get an invite

Leave you character as far away from the instance as possible, make sure you're questing / herb gathering / clearing your nasal cavity in the trade channel in Org with all the other UBER players, that you're also in a party; this will make sure that the raid leader understands how in demand you are and that he was mistaken to bench you in the first place.

The most important thing I to ,ake all the other bastards wait for YOU! You are far more important than them. Ensure they know who it is they are waiting for – plebs. Tell them it's their fault for not inviting you at the beginning – that'll teach em.

When you are in the raid instance

Whisper the 'Raid Organisers' AT LEAST every 10 seconds – just to remind him how good you are, and anyway, what else will he have to keep him occupied if you don't speak to him?

This ensures they won't forget you and anyway they are lonely, sad virgins and need a chat. Say boobs a lot and swear, it titillates them.

Try and influence the allocation of DKP and don't read the website guidance on how DKP is allocated.

Always try your best to mess up the opposition (other players of your class). When they get disconnected, spam the raid channel that they have left early. Fools! Also, ask how much DKP you have every minute or so, as the Raid Organisers may give you a few more points just to keep you happy. If your DKP is the highest – shove it in everyone's face – ha! If it's lower – see bitching (top).

Spam the emotes

Spam raid target icons

Don't let them forget your there!

When you win an Epic Item

Spam your Epics to other Guildies especially those of the same class.

Others will admire you immensely for doing this. Privately they will think you are far superior to them and will come to the conclusion that you should be treated with the utmost respect and in future raids are bound to insist to the raid leader that you are taken over them.

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